Wardrobe crisis

Clothes and fashion are fun for me - I love the design and art of it, love to look at it, but I don't do much for myself. My wardrobe budget is on the modest side, because while I appreciate and look for good quality and nice tailoring, I shy away from dropping a slice of my paycheck on a pair of pants - I love a bargain as much as anyone! I keep things fairly simple, then experiment with combining things in new ways, or get interesting pieces and accessories to mix in here and there - but only when I'm feeling creative.

Unlike my shoe collecting, my dressing habits are admittedly a bit boring from day to day, and downright uniform-ish for work (black pants, cute top, earrings. grey pants, cute top, earrings. tan pants, cute top, earrings AND scarf). I have been trying to rotate in the few skirts and dresses I have, but they are most certainly not my default. The catalyst for getting me in a skirt are my amazing knee length boots. See? It's really all about the footwear. That's how I tend to build outfits, but it's not always the best way to start.

Combine all this with my virtual inability to buy a new piece when I know I have something similar in a smaller size (that's a bit too snug to wear without looking trashy so I need to drop 5lbs by tomorrow morning) and I have the tendency to have the occasional clothes freak out, realizing I've spent way too many anxiety-ridden mornings trying to come up with something I think is flattering and in good compositional balance.

There is very little pressure to look sharp at work. Any pressure is, for the most part, pressure that I put on myself. I work on a college campus, where many of the students are from large urban areas. While you might be inclined to think this makes for an intimidatingly fashionable environment, you would be mistaken: The most stylish and well put together students seem to be the exchange students. Most of the American college girls I encounter are fashion victims: Too many trends at once. Two sizes too small. Sloppy combinations. Chintzy knock-offs. And they all kinda look similar, like they walked off a Hanna Montana assembly line. I suppose things might look a little different on private campus catering to the offspring of the upper crust, but something tells me there would still be an assembly line. Maybe a Nancy Drew line?

The next demographic comparable at work is, of course, staff. With the exception of a few classic-minded women with a decent aesthetic and sense of proportion, most can be sorted into one of four groups: 1) the boxy poly-blend suits, unlined and often unstructured 2) the matchy-match slacks and tops or 3) the frumps, which includes mom-jeans and misshapen knits - also usually the ones busting out in holiday theme sweaters and 4) the fashionably dull (like me...but I can count us on one hand)

There are also an exceptional few ladies that are absolutely un-categorizable, based mostly on their ability to debut, on a regular basis, the most garish compositions, with no respect for color, drape, or shape. Really, it hurts the eyes.
Speaking of hurting the eyes, I can't post about fashion without mentioning a ridiculous combination I see way too many people in: a designer bag and chintzy outfit. For example - Chanel bag, rubber flip flops, and cut off sweats. Really, hon? Really?? I think the beach tote would be better in this case. Keep it all in the same ball field, ladies. Same with Coach briefcase and the clunky wedge slip ons from Penney's. They're too small and your heel is hanging over the edge, and your toes are brushing the concrete...your Coach piece can't distract from that disaster. You don't need a lot of money to be pulled together. You just need to 1) keep it balanced, as far as proportion, number of trends, and overall quality and 2) clean, neat, and it needs to fit right

So, you can see, that with little effort, I can achieve a comparably high-fashion look from day to day....but if you pick me up and drop me about 150 miles southeast of here, I'd seem terribly dull.

I also struggle with transitioning from super-casual summer lazy styles to fall outfits. I want to start wearing fall clothes on September 1, but the reality is, I'd be a sweaty mess, so it's tricky until the end of the month.

So yesterday I had the day to myself and went shopping for some desperately needed replacement basics. I found 2 crisp, tailored button-down oxfords that hit all the right places, a pair of flattering khakis, a shorter, modern black skirt with trendy twist and a classic denim skirt. For fun, I picked up a shaul-collar pink top (so feminine), a bright yellow cardigan, and cute pair of patent-leather ballerina flats. I think rotating these in will help get me out of my rut. I'll post some pictures soon!

Snip time

It's so time to get my hair cut. It's about to reach my bra strap, and with the humidity, it's just no fun.

It's taking too long to dry and style, but if I let it go au naturel, it looks all blah and kinda frizzy, with no discernible style...unless you consider frumpy weird doll a style.

I don't think I have sharp enough face that can easily carry a super short style. Though I do love them, and have super cute friends that seem to rock them. I'm scared. I think I'd look too butch, so I'd have to always overcompensate with lots of lipstick and earrings.

I'm going for a side swept long bob with some choppiness at the bottom. I do have bangs at the moment, which I'll have to allow to grow out a bit and blend, but I have enough hair to pretty much end up with the rest of this cut, below...

Obviously, I'm far more beautiful than Salma Hayek, but if you can just let you imagination run for a moment...


What do you think? I already have the color...and I could probably get my boobs to do that with a little duct tape.

Other styles suggestions welcome.

To serve and protect

One of my dream professions is to be a high-end shoe designer. The closest I ever came was my first job out of college, working as a peon one floor below real-life shoe designers. Sometimes I'd end up in the same elevator and I would size them up, with their funky accessories and ridiculous hair that would never pass as acceptable in my little sea of cubicles. What was that about? Same company but different department dress codes? Oh, the unspoken freedoms of the artsy types - they can get away with anything...and yet there was a small part of me that wanted to dye my hair blond and magenta and wear horn-rimmed spectacles and pulpy fashions.

At this point in my life, however, the closest I'll ever come to being a shoe designer is to appoint myself a Patrolman (Patrolwoman? Patrolperson? How about Officer?) of the Shoe Police. That's right, it's the Shoe Police, Hippie - drop your Birks and freeze!

Summer is by far the busiest season for someone in my line of work. There's nothing like balmy weather to make people think it's OK to walk around carelessly in questionable footwear.

Clearly, I cannot control what you wear around the house, but don't think that I don't care...I do. I think about how your (well not yours, but people's - mostly women's) feet look in those grubby, rotting slides and it makes me sad. I cringe to picture otherwise normal looking toes look monstrous and disproportionate as they splay out the front of ill fitting sandals.

There are probably a dozen or more serious shoe-related offenses in my book, but the two that upset me the most will be the focus of this post. Please avoid the following footwear mistakes, and please, pass this one to your loved ones. Only you can put a stop to bad footwear choices. Protecting us all from such ugliness is a service to your community and to the greater beauty of the world.

Offense #1

I have termed this "The Gargoyle Effect"

It can happen with sandals, open toe, and peep-toe styles. Basically, the wearer's foot is sliding forward, and her toes appear to "grab" the front edge of the shoe...like a gargoyle would wrap its claws around the edge of a building so as not to plummet to its death.

Notice the gargoyle's "toes" here:

Now, notice that this woman pictured below has perfectly normal, manicured feet (by the way, I hate french manicure on toes - it's creepy), however, her sandals are way too dainty for her feet, and so her toes are clawing at them, giving her the Gargoyle Effect:


Just for future reference, don't google "toes" and stuff like that without having your filter on...let's just say that people are really into this stuff in, in a more than Shoe Police way. So anyway, unless you want me to think of you as the demonic stone effigy above, avoid this mistake.

Before I go on to my next offense, I just want to show you this picture - it's like an insane example of crazy bad footwear plus Gargoyle Effect plus disgustingly long toenails (another offense, we'll cover that one another time).


Offense #2
I'm calling this the "Senseless Strap"
This is also a seasonal offense, as it is only physically possible with open sandals and slides. It is a more subtle offense, but once you understand its basic principle, you will never again make this mistake, and you will spot it everywhere.
The strap at the top of the foot should always be across the toes, and should lay over the very bottoms of the toes, thus creating a visually straight line across the toe area. This gives the toes (no matter how short & chubby or long & gnarly) a more uniform and cute appearance. Criss-cross straps that make the V shape, or straps that are even slightly concave (when you look down, the bottom of the curve is facing you) expose too much of the top of the foot, revealing the uneven toe line, and if you know anything about beauty, symmetry is everything. This rule does not apply to flip flops (I have another set of rules for flip flops). Generally speaking, however, unless you have very attractive, perfect feet, you should try to stick to straight across straps that hit the top of the foot/toes at the right place when buying slides or sandals.

This is hard to explain, so some pictures will help:

These are BAD - see how the strap line is concave? Yes, these are ugly guy feet/sandals, but they are a great example. Slide sandals (beach and sport type) are often cut this way, or they criss cross, just creating more of a V than a U, but the ugly effect is the same, as in the Lands End beach slide.

These below, on the other hand, are good - see how the strap is more forward, going across the toes?
Yea, those are mine. I wasn't satisfied with my web search. You can see that my toes are more on the skinny/long side, so image if those straps were concave, or sat higher up on the foot...my toes would look disproportionate and weird. Finally, I should add that this offense can happen with flat, casual and sporty sandals as well as high heeled and dressy sandals.

So after writing this post, I decided to create another blog devoted solely to shoes I like. Stay tuned...

Quick fix

I just got these -- delicious, right? $90 shoes for $26 and change. That's right. Stick with me and I'll teach you a thing or two about shoe nirvana. It is so good.

Line me deep brown

About once a year, I de-clutter my makeup collection, tossing out the shadow that was all wrong, the cheap eyeliner that performed like cheap eyeliner, dried out mascaras (I always have at least one waterproof and a regular formula on hand - each has its merits), and the lipsticks that are starting to break down. During this time I also start browsing overpriced makeup lines like Smashbox and Shu Uemura and Nars - then I get real and do my best to duplicate what I can at the drugstore. Wheeee. Did you know Revlon now carries a natural mineral pigment for eyes? Very blendable, long lasting, and under $8. Recommend.

I hate spending much on makeup, but I like makeup. Actually, I kind of secretly love makeup. Sometimes if I'm bored, I'll put on heavy makeup and walk around the house blinking all slow and dramatic. Weird?

As a child, I'd beg my mom, grandmas, aunts, and later my little brothers to let me make them up. I would even take before and after pictures. And yes, my little macho brothers usually let me do it, full on, down to the mascara. They are real men.

Despite my wanting makeup for cheap, I will willingly splurge on Clinique a couple of times a year. So while I was getting inspired on the high end sites, I noticed that black liner is missing lately. At first I was alarmed, because it has been a staple for me. When I'm feeling saucy, I like to draw a gradually thickening, upward sweeping thingie on my top eyelid (you know what I mean). It's very hot. Especially on me, obviously. I always thought that having dark brown eyes meant going for black liner. Apparently when you're in your thirties, this is no longer recommended because it can look too harsh. Hmmm. Go on...

I decided if I was going to try a whole new shade of liner, I would go for a good quality, no nonsense eyeliner. I almost clicked and purchased Smashbox's cream liner, but then I remembered that we were going to an actual mall the following day, so I did a quick comparison on Clinique.com - their cream liner touted similar fabulous promises, and cost less ($7.50 less to be exact). Sweet.

Let me back up - why cream liner? Well, I did the research for you, lucky dogs: Unlike a pencil, cream liner goes on silky smooth, it never needs sharpening, and it dries in place, so no smudging. Unlike a liquid liner, it's more precise to put on (cause it's thick, not drippy) and easier to control. SOLD!

The Clinique consultant confirmed that I should go for a dark brown shade. She was attractive and had good makeup on, so I trusted her. She also showed me the difference between the brush that comes with the product (crappy) and their fancier, longer brush - I had to get the better brush, and the difference is indeed undeniable. I tossed the little crappy one.

So I'm feeling all swanky and Audrey Hepburn-y with my new liner, expertly applied and so brownie brown. I'm blinking slow. I may have to put on my pearls.

The Recount: South of My Ankles

Ugh, it's really dwindling. I won't count what's left because it will make me sad. My promise to not buy unnecessary shoes has been difficult to keep, and combined with the regular purging of the old & beat up, lately I fear I'm nearing panic mode. I've generally been doing ok, but that's not to say that I haven't walked by shoe stores really slowly, gone in, tried on, looked over, tried on again, put down, picked up, examined inside out, and put down once again on many, many occasions.

Online shoe browsing helps to hold me over during the rough times. I sort by priciest first, that way, after looking at 200 pairs that are way overpriced, I'll surf away in a stupor and not ever get to the temptations in my price range.

My biggest critic about this problem is of course, Tim. I should point out, however, that THE single most expensive(and lovely) pair of shoes I own were a gift from him. Ahem. Enabler.

A couple of years before I turned 30, I started telling people that I'd be buying myself a pair of classic Manolos or Choos or Diors once I hit that milestone. It seemed appropriate - after all, I'd spent most of my twenties collecting wannabes from Nine West, Bandolino, Enzo & Etienne so the big 3-0 would be the perfect event to take the plunge. It didn't really turn out that way. I don't even have a good explanation, but looking back, I don't regret it.
If money were no object, trust me, I'd have a line up - but for one pair, it wasn't the money that stopped me. Maybe it was admitting to myself that except for a couple of friends, no one would even notice. Maybe it was realizing that there were not going to be many appropriate situations to bust out in Hand-Stitched Italian Leather 4 Inch Amaza-Heels. Or maybe it was fear that I wouldn't stop after the first pair. Or that I would never take them off my feet. Ever.

The highest count was around 45 pairs, about 4 years ago. This is a little inflated because I also count slippers, sneakers, and other activity-specific shoes like snow boots (activity: moving in or around snow). Those are not exactly shoes. Tim never did understand the difference. That's right, roll your eyes with me. Men. Silly.

Besides, Carrie Bradshaw had over 100 pairs, and hers were $400 a pair and up! See? I'm not abnormal - the worth of my collection is a mere fraction of that. But she's a fictional character, you say? It's not a valid comparison? Whose side are you on here?

We're OK. OK. Phew. When I get real panicky, I take these shoes out of their box and tissue paper and admire them for a little while, wondering where and when I might sashay in them again.

Let's learn from our past mistakes

Tanja told me about this - spotted at the Saratoga County Fair. Let's be clear: Saratoga, NY - not in the South. Amazing. She said she didn't see any in there, but just the thought...

Tanja and I are two of the most fashionable people at work - believe it. If you knew what most employees around here dressed like you would understand that it's not that difficult for us to hold that title.

I wore scrunchies for a time in my life, I'll admit it. I even made my own scrunchies at the height of their popularity - I used to work in a fabric store in high school so I had limitless pattern and elastic choices...kind of like... scrunchie heaven. But what terms should stand out here? High School. 1989-1993. Stop the madness.