Boring and the tooth

This past weekend was really a snoozer. On Saturday we went to the "Grand & Glorious" garage sale they have on Main Street every year. It was neither. Sam found some classic green toy soldiers. We picked up a baggie of them for $2. He enjoyed watching the band play, and we had Subway for lunch. On Sunday we sort of just laid around and did nothing. It's always a little disturbing to me when my weekend is so boring I kind of look forward to work...but that's a topic for another time. One highlight, however, was a hilarious game of hide-and-seek. Sam understands the goal now, but he's too chicken to hide or seek by himself, so we take turns teaming up with him. He gets so excited, he squeals, giggles, and his heart races while we're hiding, and he also won't stop whispering, which totally gives us away...but it's so funny. Really, truly, funny.

Sunday night I discovered that one of my fillings is breaking apart, and it's kinda tender, and it looks like a cavity may have formed in and around the crack. I called the dentist's office this morning, fully expecting that they'd fit me in. Instead, I got Ms. Crabby VonCrankybitch on what sounded like a very bad day for her. She insisted that I'd need to wait a month. I actually had to say, "Um, do I need to find a new dentist? This is kind of urgent, I can't wait a month!" This yielded a reluctant offer to fit me in for a cleaning slot tomorrow, where the dentist would exam me at the end anyway. I took it, since I'm overdue for a cleaning, but I plan to whine to the dentist and ask him to fix it. Even if I have to wait around a bit. Even if I have bat my eyelashes at him and make a pitiful face. Even if I have to show him a boobie.

He's a really nice dentist, actually, and we like him, which is the only reason I haven't tried to find a new one yet, because let me tell ya, Ms. VonCrankybitch and her grumpy office staff have never been courteous to us. Ever.

Don't think I'm just being a waaa - the tooth in question is almost entirely made of resin filling because it was really bad before. A crack in this thing means essentially that my entire 'tooth' is deteriorating and needs some patching up. Stat. I don't want to wait until it becomes unbearably painful, or worse, I crunch on a chunk of it with a mouthful of Cheerios. Great, I'm sure I'm gonna have an awesome dream about teeth tonight. Shudder.

I asked him to pose for this one (above), after he found the soldiers, and he pulled this odd 'looking into the distance' winged pose. He totally poses for pictures now, and gets what they're all about, but judging by his recent 'deep' strikes, I may have a budding artsy kid on my hands...or Ringo Star:

Shout out

I'm still here, dear loyal fans.

Busy, tired, but happy.

The dust will settle soon, and I'll be able to round up some of my scattered wit for you...

Thanks for tuning in.

In the meantime, here's something fun to mark the start of the academic year.

Later, freaks.

And don't let the door hit you...

There's some foods that I just can't stomach ever, others that I merely tolerate, and still others that will usually go down, and yet forever weave between the Acceptable and Blech lanes of my taste highway (that was an awful metaphor, wasn't it? I'm keeping it).

These foods represent a tiny percentage of my food world, however, because generally speaking, I am not 'picky' or freaky about foods: I seek out new foods, try exotic things whenever I get the chance (sadly it's not often), and I very rarely have ambiguous problems with texture or aroma. I don't mean to imply that I'd like to chomp into a fresh, beating caribou heart, but I think it's exciting to taste some beautiful dish and ingredients you have never tried before. As I've grown up, I've come to appreciate many of the foods that grossed me out as a kid. Given an opportunity, I think I would try culinary school.

Phew, ok, now you know my framework (much of which is also supported by the awareness that unlike a significant segment of the population, we are fortunate to be able to eat a sufficient, wholesome diet and maintain a lifestyle that allows us to be incredibly selective about food). Just wanted to clarify.

So - a week or so ago, I bought some cottage cheese. I was eating it with fruit semi regularly, and got through most of the container. Just tonight I opened the fridge and eyed that container. I really don't like cottage cheese that much. It goes down and I try not to think about it too hard. You see, I was going through a 'guilt phase' about my diet recently, and let's be honest, cottage cheese kinda tops the 'foods-that-are-actually-kinda-nasty-but-women-tolerate-for-the-hope-of-thinner-thighs' list. Right? Right. I hate myself when I realize I've bought into that bull. Again. Seriously, the stuff looks like what I am trying to keep off my body--why am I spooning it? I winged the container into the trash.

That little episode got me thinking about foods that I put up with for no good reason, and the few foods I can't stand. That, in turn, inspired me to list some foods that I wouldn't miss if they ceased to exist, like, at the stroke of midnight, tonight.

I give you the top 10 "Get Out of My Kitchen" items.

1. Lemon Merengue Pie - vile. always.

2. Tripe or "trippa" - Come on already, it's gotta be the longest standing culinary joke since widespread famines ended. It's just uncalled for.

3. Panettone - I have always hated it, though I'm supposed to be genetically predisposed to loving it. I've tried commercial boxed ones, home made ones, and ones straight from Italian bakeries in Italy. I despise it and wish it would just go away. Its cousin Pandoro can stay, but it has to sleep on the floor.

4. Okra - seriously, this is not a vegetable. They are baby alien heads, replete with brain slime.

5. Cottage cheese - see fourth paragraph. There was a time in college when I was sort of into it. Scooped it on my fruit at the dining hall. Then my roommate started eating it, but she would go for the real soupy scoops, and I had to watch her slurp from what looked like a bowl of grapes floating in lumpy milk. Barf.

6. Sweet pickle relish - looks like boogers and tastes like sweet, tangy boogers. Pass.

7. Fertilized chicken eggs - I don't care how illogical my reaction is - if I break open a fertilized egg, I suffer a mild heart attack and then quickly dispose of it. Then I try to not think too hard about eggs and cell division and embryos and the circle of life. Farm-fresh eggs are great, and I like getting them around here, but the chances of getting fertilized ones seems to be much higher. Farmers need to tie their cocks down now and then, or (wait for it...) give them tiny rooster condoms: Cock-Block*, by Trojan.

8. Jello (gelatin) and gelatin based desserts - come on, America! We can do better! It's just embarrassing. If George W. Bush were a dessert, he'd be a big, sparkling bowl of lemon jello.

9. Pistachio ice cream - tastes like a mistake to me...

10. Organ meats, giblets, and all that jazz - anything that can easily be arranged to replicate a page out of Gray's Anatomy is not generally something I wish to consume.

What are some foods you'd like to see vanish?

*Thanks, Tim, for the great name idea.

Yogurt is sexist.

What is it about women and yogurt, or more specifically, yogurt commercials targeted at women?

Have you noticed that most of these TV ads feature young-ish, attractive women eating yogurt with such giddy, childish joy, you'd think they were toddlers spooning ice cream. Watch the next one you see carefully - it's nauseating.

If they're not laughing and dancing about how wonderful their yogurt-filled life is, or talking about how yogurt is just every bit as as good as cheesecake, or subtly reminding you that pooping regularly is hot:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CxASvaM7kHQ
--My fave part is the woman 'tiger' pawing at the yogurt.


Then they are having a moronic conversation comparing yogurt to life events typically associated with women. Surely you remember this one:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Emp_CtPy1Gw
--And who eats yogurt after a wedding reception?

Currently the worst one of all, this woman downs a supposedly decadent (but not fattening!) Dannon Light yogurt in a supermarket and then gives a grossly, sexually 'naughty' look. Sorry, but this woman makes me want to call Chris Hansen, not buy yogurt:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dftDBFwY2Lk

I found lots of other women that are annoyed by this as well. Here's a hilarious little video to sum it all up, and she makes a similar point about the wedding:

http://current.com/items/88941392_sarah-haskins-in-target-women-yogurt-edition.htm

The second most targeted group seems to be kids. Are there any yogurts targeted to men? I don't know of any. Just women and children. I think there's an untapped market of constipated, bloated men out there looking to indulge in a guilt-free treat.

Let's come up with some awesome manly names for yogurt marketed to men...post away.

The Me Day & Decade

I took today off from work, sent the boy to daycare, got out of town and went shopping. By myself. For myself. I spent over 5 hours doing it and savored every single minute of it. Even the fitting room mirrors were kind. I didn't over spend, but I also didn't settle and didn't hurry. Wow. Remember those days, frumpy mommies? Take a Me Day more often and only please yourself. You've earned it a hundred times over.

Eighties' fashions are back in a big way...they've been sneaking in, slowly, for a few years now: colored tights appeared, then skinny jeans started replacing the low-riders (at least we are seeing far fewer muffin tops), followed, inevitably, by the flats. Now the neon, the patterns, the leggings, and the bangles are everywhere. Some of it is actually OK - retro but with a modern twist, there's some new combinations of shapes that are interesting - but a lot of it gives me the willies. I didn't look good in it as a pimply pre-teen, and I won't look good in it as a 30 something-tote-lugging-mom. Darn, I missed out! The skinniest years of my life were spent in the most boring schlumpy 90s clothes EVER.

These days, I admit the clothes in "O" magazine are more appealing to me than the ones in Glamour. Sigh. I never thought this day would come.

I did lots of thinking on my Me Day, and because of all the fab 80s throwbacks around me, I thought a lot about the Me Decade, and what was part of my life back then. I'm not going to make one of those silly lists about growing up in the 80s, but instead outline a few things that were both so 80s and so me at the time:

1. I had a pink radio/cassette player - the shade was very much Pepto-Bismol. Got it in fourth grade. I wouldn't go so far as to call it a boom box, because it definitely did not boom. I used to record Madonna songs off the radio, plug in the headphones, and stand anchored to the dresser crooning "La Isla Bonita." I was wearing my stirrup pants, for sure.

2. I had insanely bad haircuts from 1985-1989. I also experimented with mousse. A lot.

3. I had these cheap little white fabric sneakers from the flea market. Balloons. Anyone have those? I think I bought a new pair every month, cause they just fell apart. I'm sure those thick scrunchy socks were not helping.

4. There was this one blouse...hot pink, with a triangle pattern. Like confetti color Doritos exploded allover it. It came with a black tank top, sewn in. A staple, really. I was so hot.

5. Because of my awful hair cuts, I never could rock the banana clips, but man, I envied those girls.

6. The concept of the 'mixed tape' came back to me. In junior high, exchanging mixed tapes with a boy was a sure sign of everlasting teen love. I love you so much, I made you mixed tape. I think I'm going to make all my loved ones mixed tapes for Christmas. I'll record them off the radio for that authentic sound. Press Play and Record at the same time, and hit the Pause before the DJ cuts in and ruins everything!

7. You know about my recent trip to Rhode Island - well, the last time I was in Rhode Island, I lost one of my jelly shoes at the beach. True story.

What are some of your personal memories from the 80s?

Rhode Island, we'll be back

Left Wednesday morning. Rolled in about 2pm. Checked in. Checked out downtown Narragansett and walked a little on the town's beach (Narragansett Towers in the background) and watched the hardcore surfers, still out as dusk approached.

Found a spot to eat, but the Food Network was taping there! What are the odds? The place is Crazy Burger, and they'll be featured on Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives, or as I like to call it when I can't remember the full title, Dumpsters and Diving. They told us it would be at least a 45 minute wait. We could see the host, Guy Fieri, in the window. Man, he looks like a total DLR in person as well, but still, kind of a cool thing to come across. Took a picture of the sign they had out front as evidence of previously described cool thing, but due to the hungry and tired toddler accompanying us, decided to come back the following night. Settled on a solid surf & turf place on the waterfront and it worked out quite nicely.


Thursday was the full beach day. There are gazillions of beaches to choose from in Rhode Island, all within a few minutes' drive from everywhere, so we did a little research and asking around to narrow things down. We went for East Matunuck state beach, and it was great: pretty and uncrowded.


Friday morning was another beach day, but we tried Scarborough State Beach instead. It was a bit bigger and more crowded, but even prettier than EM beach. The rain had us packing up by noon that day.

That same afternoon we went over the bridge (pictured in the previous post) to Newport. The rain was light, so we were able to do a small part of the Cliff-walk (in total, one can see 63 properties, including "The Breakers" (where we were, below) and other famous Newport mansions), and explored the historic waterfront, which although crowded, was quaint, well-preserved, and super New Englandish. We had dinner down there, and enjoyed watching a blingy yacht and an older, handsome sailboat dock just feet away.

By Saturday we were just tired. We were planning to take the ferry to Block Island, but we were also eager to get home. We had a big breakfast and decided to just head back. Of course, Saturday's weather was gorgeous, and would have been a great beach or ferry day. We're thinking of renting a house near the beach next summer, and checking out Providence and Block Island at a more leisurely pace...overall, however, we give this quick Rhode Island getaway 6 thumbs up!

In an Ocean State

We'll be in Rhode Island Wed-Saturday! It was sort of last minute...we were planning a short trip with Sam this summer, but could not decide between a lazy beach type thing, or a couple of days in NYC. Finally, I decided that I really really really needed a beach fix, and that Sam would love the sand and ocean (it will be his first time)! We'll still do the NYC thing, but sometime in the Fall, because the heat and humidity in the city can get pretty brutal this time of year, and we'd want to do lots of walking around.

We picked Rhode Island because it's closer and less pricey than than the Cape (Cod, that is). There's lots and lots of shoreline, and I hear the state beaches are pretty amazing.

We're staying in South Kingston (part of Naragansett Bay). We plan on at least a full day or two on the beach, taking the ferry out to Block Island, maybe a walking tour of the Newport Area, and we'll probably hit Mystic Seaport (CT) on our way back.

I can't wait to soak in the sun and turn nice and brown. Wrinkles, schminkles...I've been toasting almost every summer of my life and I haven't seen one yet. You only live once, so tan it up in the summer, it's only natural (unless you are at high risk of skin cancer, of course - then cover your white ass up!). I actually do wear SPF 15 on my face, but not in the summer...I'm crazy like that. Crazy! Well, not THAT crazy...I picked up SPF 4 tanning oil for the trip. That's right, 4. I live on the edge. But hang on by my fingertips.

I will post lots of pictures when we return!